Feeling Stuck? Look for Inner Conflict.
Have you ever been procrastinating on something that you know is important but you just don’t seem to get yourself to do it, or not as consistently as you wish?
Or, on a team level – has a path forward been identified but the follow-through is not matching the expectations? And things are not moving?
Before you start pointing fingers (at yourself or others), or pushing yourself or others to “just do it” and “push through it” – I invite all of us to pause and consider this:
What if the reason we feel stuck is that there is a HIDDEN CONFLICT? (Within ourselves or the team).
When one force is pulling you (or people on the team) forward, one is pulling you (others on the team) in another direction = no significant progress in either direction.
I have been hearing myself complain for the past few months (well, even longer) about my schedule and how I want to get back to make it work for me, get myself organized, and balance priorities & time with loved ones, time for marketing, creative work, clients…
I noticed what was keeping me stuck. My own #reactance
Reactance is not only in physics when it comes to electrical reactance, but seems it was also playing role in my schedule.
How? In psychology, reactance is an urge to do the OPPOSITE of what someone wants us to do, especially when we perceive threats to our personal freedom. (e.g. in a team environment – people push against being micro-managed)
One of my desires (when it comes to my schedule) was towards being “on top of things” and having things clearly and nicely in place, priorities arranged and planned out. It was predictable and safe.
But there was also another desire and urge in me – that was resisting following through with what I set up to do that day! That part of me wanted more freedom, creative time, fun, going with the flow, flexibility, and rest, a no-doing time.
No wonder I felt stuck. Those parts of me were fighting & sabotaging each other.
On the surface, it looked like “oh, something is wrong, I just cannot get myself together & get it all done and get organized. Maybe I need a new system to get myself organized in. A new planner?..”
After discovering what was the real problem, my new focus switched from “getting organized” to “how I can have both parts of me work together, instead of against each other?”
“How I can be BOTH rigid, organized AND flexible, creative, free?” And, already that focus has brought first visible positive changes both for my productivity and how I feel when looking at my calendar. I don’t feel stuck or trapped anymore.
Your turn – I invite you to pause and reflect (by yourself, with a friend, or a coach) and go under the surface in the area you feel stuck in – and find what possible conflicting agendas might be blocking your progress instead of supporting it. Be it in your personal life, or with your team members.
